It's not "school"—it's daycare

A quick lesson about those buildings where little kids go

It’s not surprising that many of today’s young mothers (and thus, fathers) are in the dark about the needs of their very young children. Millennial and Gen Z parents grew up in a culture that normalized daycare and preschool and lumped these two environments, along with kindergarten, into one big package.

These parents were taught that this entire five-year period constitutes “early childhood education.” As a result, no delineation among these environments is made—because none has ever been acknowledged. Hence, there is widespread ignorance among the modern cohort of parents as to what children this age need.

What parents today have succumbed to, more than anything else, is simply doing what everyone around them is doing and genuinely believing it’s the right thing. That’s what normalizing something does: The thing can be just as harmful as it ever was, but because everyone appears to be doing it it feels harmless.

So to that end, I thought I’d take a moment to educate young parents on the differences among these environments as they pertain to the needs of their children.

Daycare (ages 0-3)

Daycare has become a generalized term but as a rule refers to government-run operations where a parent can drop a child off as young as six weeks old to be supervised by women, mainly, who have no personal connection to or vested interest in your children.

Note I said “vested interest.” These women may like or enjoy young children, but they have no personal reason to care deeply about your child’s needs getting met and, quite frankly, can’t see to those needs due to the overwhelming number of tasks they have to accomplish on any given day. Babies and small children in daycare become part of an assembly line.

“In most daycare centers, it’s a pecking order; it’s like a bunch of wild chickens in a hen yard.” The result is that “the loudest and most obnoxious behavior is what gets rewarded with attention from overloaded adult caretakers and intimidated peers,” writes Karl Zinsmeister in “What’s the Problem with Daycare?”

There are many, many problems with daycare; but the main one is that it disrupts the attachment process, or the mother/child bond—and this can result in lifelong consequences for children later on when they try and form their own relationships.

In other words, babies and toddlers do not belong in daycare at all. It was originally begun as a Head Start program for low-income (and often one-parent) homes and should never have become open to simply any parent who wanted to use it. That’s when the entire operation went south.

Mothers’ Day Out (ages 1-3)

Mother’s Day Out is a program for parents who are home with their children and who need a quick two-hour break, once or twice a week, to get errands done or to grab some personal time. When a child is about two years old and has been home with his mom, he can handle a very short separation from her. As long as the program is small, hopefully church based (those are always best), it’s fine. Many programs offer this option for children younger than three, which is not a good idea. At this stage of life, a baby is still in the attachment phase and will get scared at being left somewhere for any length of time. All children are different, of course, so you need to “read” your child carefully and judge for yourself whether or not he or she is ready for this separation. (Side note: It is always better to leave a child under 3 for a few hours with a family member or a trusted neighbor or friend.)

Preschool (ages 3-4)

Contrary to popular belief, preschool is not necessary—but it is fine and can be fun. Again, this is more of a drop-off situation, several hours in the morning, two to three days per week. It should not be any longer than that because a child this age typically still naps and can only handle a few hours of stimulation. There is nothing “academic” in this environment that a mother can’t teach at home, but it does begin the process of allowing a young child to interact with other children his or her age. Politically, you will hear a lot about children this age needing a “head start” academically, but that is false. Children this age do not need “school.” But it is perfectly fine to use it for fun and for socialization purposes. (In the past, it was called nursery school.)

Kindergarten (age 5)

Kindergarten is to ready children for elementary school. It pretty much speaks for itself, although I will say the move to full-day kindergarten was a mistake. Kindergarten used to be half-day, and that’s because children this age still get tired easily. Some still nap. Either way, full-day kindergarten, in my personal opinion, is too much (although I realize half-day is not offered much anymore). It’s not harmful, per se, but it can cause more problems than it solves. Many parents will find their five-year-olds are so tired in the afternoon that they can’t function—and trying to discipline, or direct, their children will be difficult as a result. So to me, it was never worth it. If I were the parent of a five-year-old today, I would pull my kid out after half-day even if I had to pay for full day!

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I hope the above helps young parents who are trying to figure out how to navigate the early years as it pertains to “school.” It is a mistake to lump these various environments together; they serve very different functions.

More than anything, what parents of littles need to understand is that, in the first five years, children are developing so much at home with respect to sleep, food, and attachment. This gets interrupted when introducing a group environment too soon or when a child is in one of these places too long. The entire process of moving a child this young from home into the “real world” needs to be handled incrementally.

I’m sorry there is zero discussion of any of this in our culture, yet I know parents need this information desperately.

So there it is.