My wife was 22 and I was 28 when we married. I was an Army veteran. We lived off of my income, saving hers for an eventual home. We celebrated 60 years in November 2023.
I love this! As a woman who is 40, and not yet married, I can definitely attest the difficulty that I’m facing in dating. Finding a marriageable man, even after age 35 is incredibly difficult nowadays. My situation is slightly different than what’s described in the article. I did actually have a stay-at-home mom, but I also had a father who was not a good example of a man, or a husband. Ironically enough, my mother married him when she was….guess what 22, but we are a religious family, so divorce was never considered an option. I think another problem that we have nowadays is mothers not teaching their daughters how to choose a husband properly in some cases due to the fact that they didn’t make a proper choice themselves, and fathers not putting effort into showing their daughters what a good man is really like. That might seem old-fashioned, but I can certainly attest to the result of that not happening. I basically chose crappy men during the years that mattered, and now I’m in quite the pickle. Luckily for me, and I’m aware that I am an outlier in this way I never wanted children, but I’ve always wanted to be a wife.
Amen to this!: "I think another problem that we have nowadays is mothers not teaching their daughters how to choose a husband properly in some cases due to the fact that they didn’t make a proper choice themselves, and fathers not putting effort into showing their daughters what a good man is really like."
We also have issues with young men not being taught or modeled how to be men!! I’ve come to realize that fathers are more important in children’s lives at the age of 12 and beyond for both daughters and sons. My dad didn’t know how to be a husband or a father. His dad was divorced prior to marrying his mom and had a daughter his wife’s age! My mom’s parents also divorced. My dad was born in 1947 and my mom in 1951 so I’m not sure what generation category they belong. Regardless, I don’t think they were taught the importance of marriage and family so neither was I. Although my mom said she never drank the feminist Kool-aid, I was never taught to value being a woman. Only a woman can bring life into this world! When I was younger I didn’t want to have kids. Then when I hit my mid-late twenties I did want to have children. But it was a desperate attempt to “save my marriage.” I too had chose unwisely in high school and beyond as I was never taught to value myself, especially my body. I used my body to get “love” so I thought. Unfortunately, I was just being used by boys. And it continues to this day! I’m still dating boys (men in their mid-50s who still act like boys rather than men!) I wish I could go back in time with the experience and information I’ve learned so I could make better choices. But all I can do is share these resources with my children and implore them to make better choices than I. Unfortunately, they may still be prodigals but at least I’m being a better parent than mine by sharing the wisdom I’ve gained.
Perspective from someone who's a (quite) successful career woman in a giant city: I do not think things are that simple. I am a 27-yo corporate lawyer, and ALL my closest male friends are lawyers, executives, businessmen, rich guys, mostly around 35 or older. They are rich, funny, handsome, reliable, intelligent. They want to get married because their dream is to become a dad. But they used to think they needed a younger woman for that, because women of their age will have one kid max (and that's why I haven't dated them: I don't want to marry soon). Problem: women at my age, as a general rule, are like me: they want to get married later in life. So the men are slowly starting to commit to women of their own age and accept the fact they may have to adopt or have one child only. Older women are slowly getting advantage: they aren't competing as much with us (20-somethings) for one simple reason: we are focused on our careers, we don't want to get married now, and we're turning down the men. I have personally said no to three proposals from three male friends that I honestly believe would be excellent husbands. I think most traditionally desirable men (over 30, financially stable) who do want to be married will end up marrying women who are closer in age, simply because there aren't enough young(ish) women who do want to marry soon.
I agree. The idea that men can always marry younger, and that they don’t care about the education and careers of their prospective mates, is reductive. Women definitely care *more,* but that doesn’t mean men are apathetic. If they were, we would see a lot more doctors and lawyers with waitresses. But most doctors will marry another doctor, or at least a nurse.
Is there such a thing as a happily married parent, or grandparent, that would have waited longer to get married? Isn't it more likely that they wish they could have somehow been wiser or braver enough to have figured out how to have gotten married and had their children sooner than they did?
Great article. As a psychologist in private practice, I so often find women who have prioritized career in their best child rearing years too late wanting a family.
I married at 26. It was a great age. But my husband was 30. My 23 yo son has a beautiful girlfriend. I do hope they remain together and marry youngish, however he just graduated from college and I'd argue that while a man doesn't need to wait to be out of debt and find himself, he does need to get that first job with health insurance under his belt before he can be a husband. That can take a few years. But otherwise, I agree with your arguments for younger marriage, especially for women.
My wife was 22 and I was 28 when we married. I was an Army veteran. We lived off of my income, saving hers for an eventual home. We celebrated 60 years in November 2023.
I love this! As a woman who is 40, and not yet married, I can definitely attest the difficulty that I’m facing in dating. Finding a marriageable man, even after age 35 is incredibly difficult nowadays. My situation is slightly different than what’s described in the article. I did actually have a stay-at-home mom, but I also had a father who was not a good example of a man, or a husband. Ironically enough, my mother married him when she was….guess what 22, but we are a religious family, so divorce was never considered an option. I think another problem that we have nowadays is mothers not teaching their daughters how to choose a husband properly in some cases due to the fact that they didn’t make a proper choice themselves, and fathers not putting effort into showing their daughters what a good man is really like. That might seem old-fashioned, but I can certainly attest to the result of that not happening. I basically chose crappy men during the years that mattered, and now I’m in quite the pickle. Luckily for me, and I’m aware that I am an outlier in this way I never wanted children, but I’ve always wanted to be a wife.
Amen to this!: "I think another problem that we have nowadays is mothers not teaching their daughters how to choose a husband properly in some cases due to the fact that they didn’t make a proper choice themselves, and fathers not putting effort into showing their daughters what a good man is really like."
We also have issues with young men not being taught or modeled how to be men!! I’ve come to realize that fathers are more important in children’s lives at the age of 12 and beyond for both daughters and sons. My dad didn’t know how to be a husband or a father. His dad was divorced prior to marrying his mom and had a daughter his wife’s age! My mom’s parents also divorced. My dad was born in 1947 and my mom in 1951 so I’m not sure what generation category they belong. Regardless, I don’t think they were taught the importance of marriage and family so neither was I. Although my mom said she never drank the feminist Kool-aid, I was never taught to value being a woman. Only a woman can bring life into this world! When I was younger I didn’t want to have kids. Then when I hit my mid-late twenties I did want to have children. But it was a desperate attempt to “save my marriage.” I too had chose unwisely in high school and beyond as I was never taught to value myself, especially my body. I used my body to get “love” so I thought. Unfortunately, I was just being used by boys. And it continues to this day! I’m still dating boys (men in their mid-50s who still act like boys rather than men!) I wish I could go back in time with the experience and information I’ve learned so I could make better choices. But all I can do is share these resources with my children and implore them to make better choices than I. Unfortunately, they may still be prodigals but at least I’m being a better parent than mine by sharing the wisdom I’ve gained.
Beautifully written. I love this post.
And the difference between having children younger or older is glossed over.
Perspective from someone who's a (quite) successful career woman in a giant city: I do not think things are that simple. I am a 27-yo corporate lawyer, and ALL my closest male friends are lawyers, executives, businessmen, rich guys, mostly around 35 or older. They are rich, funny, handsome, reliable, intelligent. They want to get married because their dream is to become a dad. But they used to think they needed a younger woman for that, because women of their age will have one kid max (and that's why I haven't dated them: I don't want to marry soon). Problem: women at my age, as a general rule, are like me: they want to get married later in life. So the men are slowly starting to commit to women of their own age and accept the fact they may have to adopt or have one child only. Older women are slowly getting advantage: they aren't competing as much with us (20-somethings) for one simple reason: we are focused on our careers, we don't want to get married now, and we're turning down the men. I have personally said no to three proposals from three male friends that I honestly believe would be excellent husbands. I think most traditionally desirable men (over 30, financially stable) who do want to be married will end up marrying women who are closer in age, simply because there aren't enough young(ish) women who do want to marry soon.
I agree. The idea that men can always marry younger, and that they don’t care about the education and careers of their prospective mates, is reductive. Women definitely care *more,* but that doesn’t mean men are apathetic. If they were, we would see a lot more doctors and lawyers with waitresses. But most doctors will marry another doctor, or at least a nurse.
Is there such a thing as a happily married parent, or grandparent, that would have waited longer to get married? Isn't it more likely that they wish they could have somehow been wiser or braver enough to have figured out how to have gotten married and had their children sooner than they did?
Congratulations on your daughter’s upcoming wedding!
https://ifstudies.org/blog/capstones-vs-cornerstones-is-marrying-later-always-better
Great article. As a psychologist in private practice, I so often find women who have prioritized career in their best child rearing years too late wanting a family.
Great stuff as usual, Suzanne.
I married at 26. It was a great age. But my husband was 30. My 23 yo son has a beautiful girlfriend. I do hope they remain together and marry youngish, however he just graduated from college and I'd argue that while a man doesn't need to wait to be out of debt and find himself, he does need to get that first job with health insurance under his belt before he can be a husband. That can take a few years. But otherwise, I agree with your arguments for younger marriage, especially for women.