The point about taking on student loan debt is very important. Taking on large loans to go to med, law, vet or business school tethers women to very demanding roles, which though lucrative complicate future family life.
Wow, this is such an important message to young women (and men). I'm a millennial woman who (gratefully) grew up prioritizing family life, marriage, and motherhood. I see the narrative shifting as more 30-somethings are leaning toward family, but it's been a long, hard lesson for our culture.
"But this is not the way many millennials (or even my fellow Gen Xers) would describe their upbringing. This group was more apt to hear about their rights than about their responsibilities."
• Recognize most of those "rights" correctly as "selfishness", and it becomes easy to see the change in the cultural perspective.
"All women ever hear is that it takes two incomes to “survive” today, which forms the mindset that you’ll have to work full-time and year-round your entire life."
• While women are those most directly affected by this belief, most of society, including their parents, friends, and, especially, potential husbands have also fully accepted it, leading to additional pressure on women to conform to it. A significant related motivation for women's career choices is the easy availability of no-fault divorce. The awareness of that possibility leads them to view a job as a necessary contingency.
You are so right. I remember growing up constantly hearing (and believing) that it takes two incomes to support a family - especially being from Southern California - that was accepted as Gospel. And trying to convince folks otherwise today is near impossible.
This is why the economic downturns of 2007–2009 and 2020–2022 left deep scars. Many young people at the time failed to establish themselves, and that can linger for many years, perhaps even permanently.
Exactly, those two things are major, and for whatever reason people want to get bogged down in philosophy.
Millennial Guys not being in the financial space to feel comfortable proposing, lead to Millennial Women having to prioritize their career. Respectfully, most of us grew up listening to Boy Bands, we did not want to be girl bosses. I don’t understand where all this garbage is coming from that it’s all cultural philosophy that lead to the issues we’re currently seeing
In past generations, men were just starting out when they got married and typically had little in the way of income/assets. Expectations have risen markedly.
I don’t think that’s the case. As far as my exes go, I was *not* the one asking for more from them economically… they had a higher standard for themselves than I did.
If I wasn’t content, I wouldn’t have been going out with them.
I’m guessing you’re Gen Z? That may be the case, but guys are the ones that propose. If my boyfriend at 21 had asked me to marry him, I’d have said yes. If my boyfriend at 23 asked me to marry him I’d have said yes. If my boyfriend at 27 asked me to marry him I’d have said yes. But all three guys cited lack of stability in their career as why they couldn’t see themselves getting married…
(I have looked them up since. The first two guys didn’t get married until 10 years later and both have million+ dollar houses.)
Men, assuming some rationality, will enter marriage when the offer is attractive. I would avoid applying/generalizing your personal experience to broader economic developments/trends. That being said, men will accumulate more wealth/income if they believe it necessary to command a partner they desire (sufficient for marriage).
Really good advice for young women and men.
The point about taking on student loan debt is very important. Taking on large loans to go to med, law, vet or business school tethers women to very demanding roles, which though lucrative complicate future family life.
Our 20s are a defining decade and your countercultural advice is something more people need to hear
Wow, this is such an important message to young women (and men). I'm a millennial woman who (gratefully) grew up prioritizing family life, marriage, and motherhood. I see the narrative shifting as more 30-somethings are leaning toward family, but it's been a long, hard lesson for our culture.
"But this is not the way many millennials (or even my fellow Gen Xers) would describe their upbringing. This group was more apt to hear about their rights than about their responsibilities."
• Recognize most of those "rights" correctly as "selfishness", and it becomes easy to see the change in the cultural perspective.
"All women ever hear is that it takes two incomes to “survive” today, which forms the mindset that you’ll have to work full-time and year-round your entire life."
• While women are those most directly affected by this belief, most of society, including their parents, friends, and, especially, potential husbands have also fully accepted it, leading to additional pressure on women to conform to it. A significant related motivation for women's career choices is the easy availability of no-fault divorce. The awareness of that possibility leads them to view a job as a necessary contingency.
You are so right. I remember growing up constantly hearing (and believing) that it takes two incomes to support a family - especially being from Southern California - that was accepted as Gospel. And trying to convince folks otherwise today is near impossible.
Oh, how I wish I had been given better advice - and listened. Oh, how I wish I didn't believe the lies and tell them to my daughters...
This is why the economic downturns of 2007–2009 and 2020–2022 left deep scars. Many young people at the time failed to establish themselves, and that can linger for many years, perhaps even permanently.
Exactly, those two things are major, and for whatever reason people want to get bogged down in philosophy.
Millennial Guys not being in the financial space to feel comfortable proposing, lead to Millennial Women having to prioritize their career. Respectfully, most of us grew up listening to Boy Bands, we did not want to be girl bosses. I don’t understand where all this garbage is coming from that it’s all cultural philosophy that lead to the issues we’re currently seeing
In past generations, men were just starting out when they got married and typically had little in the way of income/assets. Expectations have risen markedly.
I don’t think that’s the case. As far as my exes go, I was *not* the one asking for more from them economically… they had a higher standard for themselves than I did.
If I wasn’t content, I wouldn’t have been going out with them.
It is simply history. Until the late 1970s, men and women married at around 19–22 years old.
I’m guessing you’re Gen Z? That may be the case, but guys are the ones that propose. If my boyfriend at 21 had asked me to marry him, I’d have said yes. If my boyfriend at 23 asked me to marry him I’d have said yes. If my boyfriend at 27 asked me to marry him I’d have said yes. But all three guys cited lack of stability in their career as why they couldn’t see themselves getting married…
(I have looked them up since. The first two guys didn’t get married until 10 years later and both have million+ dollar houses.)
Men, assuming some rationality, will enter marriage when the offer is attractive. I would avoid applying/generalizing your personal experience to broader economic developments/trends. That being said, men will accumulate more wealth/income if they believe it necessary to command a partner they desire (sufficient for marriage).
Two important concepts come to mind:
Hypergamy - a woman of lower social status, marrying a man of higher social status to increase her status.
Solipsism - the tendency of women to perceive reality through their own subjective experience.
Also, I would recommend young women not prioritize providing for their paternal household, or staying behind to be there for a younger sibling…
My life is 10 years behind my millennial peers and they already struggled. Put yourself first, deal with family later.