Wealth and status are no longer the gold standard for success. Good.
Work is not designed to be the purpose of life but the engine that makes life possible
According to a recent survey of young adults ages 18-34, wealth and status are no longer the standard-bearers for success, the way they have been for previous generations. This shift in priorities is long overdue. Bring it on.
“Success is quieter,” says creative director Natalie Armendariz. “It’s not flashy titles and salaries. It’s how I feel about the things I am doing, how much time I have to spend with my family.”
Earlier in her career, Armendariz switched from one agency to another and got promotions along the way. Longer hours and salary increases came with each advancement, but her achievement working with high-profile clients felt hollow.
She was also exhausted. “There was no time to enjoy anything. It was work, work, work.”
For the past forty years, young Americans have been raised to believe that wealth and status can bring joy and contentment and can even supplant marriage and family. Lest you think I’m exaggerating my case, according to University of Virginia professor Brad Wilcox, 75 percent of adults ages 18 to 40 said making a good living was crucial to fulfillment while only 32 percent thought the same of marriage.
These folks learned this from the culture and from their parents. (Boomers, mainly, but also Gen X.) A 2023 Pew Research Center survey shows that 88 percent of parents today say it’s “extremely or very” important for their kids to be financially independent, while only 21 percent said it was “extremely or very” important for their kids to get married.
Message received: Make money. Make money. Make money. Be somebody. Be somebody. Be somebody.
This has been the takeaway for decades. “Growing up, my parents drilled it into me to work hard, which I really appreciate,” writes a stay-at-home mom at MarketWatch. “But it came with a heaping side of shame that if I didn’t ‘achieve my full potential’ and make millions of dollars and be on the cover of Forbes magazine, I would be a disappointment to them.”
She adds, “So much of my head has been filled with thoughts of needing to be the best, the brightest, the wealthiest—and I’ve just come to the realization that that’s not where true happiness lies.”
Indeed it isn’t. Anyone who has tasted some measure of success, be it money or status, can tell you it feels hollow. Get a big award or balloon your bank account and you’ll indeed get a momentary rush—like buying a new car, for example—but you’ll ultimately discover that you don’t feel satisfied. You’ll have to keep chasing that high if you want the feeling back again.
Wealth, status, and outward achievement will never fill your cup. Joy and satisfaction, or true contentment, is different because it lasts. It doesn’t depend on a rush. It doesn’t need a rush. It just is.
A different definition of success
The results of Americans’ choice to revere wealth and status have been severe. We now have fewer people forming families because they’re prioritizing work, and many women say they don’t want children at all. You might say this is due to the high cost of living, and that’s true. But this development didn’t come first—the messaging did.
The GDP in America swelled as a result of the narrative about wealth and status being the most important life goal, which in turn makes life less affordable for people who don't want to join the rat race.
Sales account executive Warren Devarennes, 37, remembers watching an interview with a CEO who said success is when your children want to spend time with you when they are adults. The message stuck with him.
“Instead of being monetarily rich, which [Devarennes'] once desired,” writes Clare Ansberry, “he wants to be a good dad and have enough money to feel secure and take his family to the beach for a week.”
I get it. Personally, I’ve never felt in lockstep with my generation, which promoted the idea of working 60-80 hours per week and stepping on whoever gets in the way. Remember the movie “Wall Street?” That was hugely popular in my day.
Whenever I watch films that hone in on wealth as being a win-win or the ultimate life goal, all I ever see are the costs of such a life. I’m painfully aware of the trade-offs incurred.
To be that successful, you must have singular focus. You must be okay with being away from home the majority of your waking hours. The folks who choose this life work all the time. Even when they’re home, their heads are at work.
This, I believe, is what the younger generation is learning—and rejecting.
Work is not designed to be the purpose of life but the engine that makes life possible. There’s too much pressure on young people to define themselves through work, as though it can measure your worthiness. It cannot. Ultimately, we are all replaceable in the marketplace. No matter how good you are at what you do, eventually someone else will come along and do it just as well or even better.
Americans overestimated the joy and satisfaction that come from traditional markers of success. More often than not, success begets more success. An artist who has a hit single must keep producing to have continued success. It’s an endless feedback loop. There’s no way to rest on your laurels. There’s no way to rest, period.
People who chase traditional markers of success also learn that having more money usually just means having more money to spend. It means more debt and more stress—not less.
Whoever it was who said real success is when your children want to spend time with you when they’re adults couldn’t have said it better. Our daughter was married several weeks ago, and weddings have a way of putting life in perspective.
There was a moment my husband and I shared at the end, when two generations of family and friends were in a giant circle singing popular songs all of us knew at the top of our lungs. We kept looking at each other in a manner that said, This is what we created. This is the stuff of life…Nothing else matters. We can pretty much pack it in and go home now.
So my message to young people who are waking up to a new narrative is this: Good for you! You are wise to flip the priorities of previous generations. I love this list from the article that identifies, in order of importance, five different measures of success:
Physical and mental health
Relationship with spouse
Relationship with family
Personal growth
Wealth
I love that this list brings back balance and sanity to a world that’s prioritized the wrong things. The modern generation has been the guinea pig of a generation (or two) for long enough. Those folks had it wrong. Perhaps young people can get it right.
Wealth can follow a more balanced life
A final note: Not putting wealth at the top of your list of life goals does not mean you won’t be wealthy. Spending all your time at work is one way to become wealthy, yes. But it’s not the only way.
In fact, it is not how the majority of millionaires in America became wealthy. Most of these folks did it by investing in their company’s 401(k) plan, as well as investing outside of it; by living on less than they make; by staying out of debt and keeping close track of their spending (including using a list at the grocery store); by driving used cars; and by consistently looking for financial deals despite the ability to pay full price.
Now you may not want to live that way, and that’s fine. I’m simply pointing out that not living a big life doesn’t equate to acquiring less wealth. You can live a balanced life and still have enough. Even more than enough.
In fact, you can be the richest people of all.
So much of what you said is true, Suzanne. The pursuit of wealth as the goal of life was a terrible idea. Yet, earning a living, especially for men, helps them flourish emotionally and spiritually. The money is a 'certificate of appreciation' that lets them know they are doing something for others. Producing and earning should not compete with the other areas of life (the five areas being Family, Finance, Fitness (our bodies), Faith, and Friendships). These should all complete, not compete, with each other. Single-mindedly pursuing wealth isn't the right mindset, but being a productive human being is important and money is part of that.
So well said. We’ve built a culture that confuses momentum with meaning, where doing more is mistaken for being more. But no job title or trophy shelf can offer what presence, connection, and quiet contentment can. The more we tie our worth to achievement, the harder it becomes to just be.
The challenge now is teaching young people that life shouldn't be performed but lived. Maybe we all need a little less hustle, and a little more soulful success and quiet joy in our lives. Thanks for backing it with research, it gives a much clearer picture!